Engaged couple splits rent 50/50 while he saves his inheritance for their future home, his mom and sister still call it unfair: 'We agreed he would pay $700 each month unless he is putting money into the house that his grandparents are giving him.'

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  via Getty Images

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• Is it wrong for me to charge my fiancé rent?

  "My fiancé and I just got engaged a few months ago. Throughout our relationship, he has been staying mostly at my apartment but has stayed there every night since the engagement. I don't mind, and I love that he is there. He eats my groceries and has a good amount of clothes and closet space. We both agreed that he would pay half of rent ($700 for his half) each month unless he is putting money into the house that his grandparents are giving him. (He only stays there once a month basically, as we are remodeling it to move into once my lease is up). I'm not asking him to pay utilities or groceries and I feel like asking for half of rent is valid. He also agrees and is happy to pay his half."

  -Enough_Eye3673

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  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• Seven hundred dollars a month for a man who lives there full-time, eats the food, and has claimed actual closet space. That's not a controversial arrangement. That's just what living somewhere costs, ring on his finger or not. To me, his mom and sister are acting like engagement comes with some kind of financial immunity, as if once you propose, splitting the bills for the apartment you actually sleep in every night suddenly becomes an insult. That's not how it works. He's not a guest crashing on the couch occasionally. He's a resident, and residents pay their share.

  What genuinely surprises me is how little scrutiny this arrangement deserves compared to what it's getting. This isn't a couple with vague, tangled finances where one partner mysteriously never contributes. They've got prenups drafted. Inheritances staying separate and protected. A full plan for merging accounts once they're married, down to who covers what and how her student loans get handled. Most engaged couples haven't thought this far ahead about money, and these two basically built a financial plan for their entire future, yet somehow the $700 line item is the one his family decided to fight over.

• "However (his crazy mom and sister have just been awful since the engagement), his mom and sister believe that it is weird that I'm making him pay anything. They thought maybe a bit for groceries but that is it. I am just second-guessing because his best friend also thought it was odd to pay for half of rent.

  Am I in the wrong?"

  -Enough_Eye3673

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  via Curated Lifestyle

  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• What genuinely surprises me is how little scrutiny this arrangement deserves compared to what it's getting. This isn't a couple with vague, tangled finances where one partner mysteriously never contributes. They've got prenups drafted. Inheritances staying separate and protected. A full plan for merging accounts once they're married, down to who covers what and how her student loans get handled. Most engaged couples haven't thought this far ahead about money, and these two basically built a financial plan for their entire future, yet somehow the $700 line item is the one his family decided to fight over.

  If you ask me, this actually explains everything: his relationship with his mom was already rocky before any of this started. She'd grown distant from him for years, on her own, long before an engagement or an apartment or a rent conversation entered the picture. So when she and his sister suddenly develop strong opinions about how he manages his living expenses, that doesn't read as concern to me. It reads like someone realizing they no longer get a say in his life and looking for the nearest thing to push back on.

  Rent just happened to be the easiest target. It's tangible, it's a number, and it's much easier to complain about $700 than to admit "I don't like that my son makes decisions without running them by me anymore." To his credit, he didn't fold. He didn't apologize for the arrangement or ask her to waive his half to keep the peace. He gave his reasoning and left it there, which I think is exactly the right move;  you don't unwind a fair, mutually agreed setup just because people outside the relationship find it uncomfortable to watch.

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  via Vitaly Gariev

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• "UPDATE

  Ok, thank you all for the thoughts! Here are some more details. His grandfather's house that he will inherit will be in his name only. I will also be inheriting land from my family that will be strictly mine (we will have prenups for both). Once we're living in the house together, we plan to split all expenses equally. We will have joint accounts, and our money will be shared. Eventually, the plan is for me to be a stay-at-home mom (except I will work the hours needed to pay off my student loans each month; he has offered to pay them, but they are mine pre-marriage, so I will pay for my own debt)-- all of my other expenses he will cover and will also be contributing to a 401k for me. Once we save up for a bigger house, we will rent out the grandfather's house and use the rent money towards either our mortgage for the new house or another rental property (both of which will have my name on)."

  --Enough_Eye3673

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  via Vitaly Gariev

  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• "He hasn't specifically told his family to stop with the snide remarks/opinions but instead has given reasons/logic of why it makes sense. We did discuss last night that we either need to not tell them anything or for him to tell them to back off and keep their opinions to themselves. He used to have a really close relationship with his mom, but within the last few years (prior to meeting me), they've grown apart. He has even said she is getting really hard to be around and talk to.

  He said he is totally ok to pay; his mom and sister just asked if he was paying anything because he was officially, unofficially moving in, so that is how it was brought up."

  --Enough_Eye3673

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  via Vitaly Gariev

  _{Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.}

• Practical_Fig_2023

  You’re not charging him rent. You are sharing expenses as couples do. These others need to worry about their own finances.🫤

• Just_Me1973

  He’s living in the space, eating the food, using the utilities. He should be contributing half of everything. That’s not paying you rent. That’s him paying his living expenses like an adult. You’re not his mommy. It’s not your responsibility to support him. I would definitely think twice before marrying into this family.

• jsnuggz

  There's a famous saying: "face your partner hold each other's hands, that's your family circle."

  Anyone outside that circle can shut up and keep their opinions to themselves.

  But being real here, the only thing that matters is if you feel it's fair and both of you are fine with it. Most real partners are happy and willing to contribute, because they want to build something together.

• BlackB-ird

  Either the mum and sister are looking for a reason to dislike you, or something else is going on. Any agreement made between the two of you is just that, an agreement between the two of you. The specifics are kind of errelevent. Unless he is struggling financially, or feels compelled, I don't know why they would care.

• MaryHadALittleLamb20

  Nothing wrong with him contributing towards rent and expenses if he is living there.

  There is a lesson for him to learn and that is to not discuss his and your personal business with his family as it is only going to cause problems.

• Mum-of-4

  If you and your fiance are in agreement and are happy, then who cares what anyone thinks or says. It’s not their business. But yea, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him contributing to the rent. Maybe to help with his family, he could just say he’s contributing towards household costs

• Trick-Article-6773

  If you live together, it's not that weird.

  Since you're getting married, you should probably think about getting a joint bank account that you both deposit parts of your salaries to and use for rent and house stuff.

   

  
   

• theglorybox

  He sounds spoiled. Why wouldn’t he be contributing to any monthly expenses? He pretty much lives there…if you’re staying over almost every night, you really shouldn’t be expecting a free ride.

• False-Buddy9209

  He pays half of rent. 

  Everyone that moves in needs to pay their share unless they agree not too. 

• 21stCenturyJanes

  You're happy with the arrangement, he's happy with the arrangement. Time to be a grown up and make decisions that work for you and stop listening to people who don't mind their own business.

  He pays rent because he lives there. End of story.

• sysaphiswaits

  So you should pay his rent while he puts his money into an investment that doesn’t become communal property when you get married. That sounds like a really good deal for his family.

  Why isn’t he shutting his family down on this? That’s a really bad sign.

• bigredroyaloak

  Why do so many people know your business? Him? Or you?

• CrabbiestAsp

  Not wrong. If he is living there, he should also be paying a portion of the rent to live there

• IowaGal60

  Ask him to “chip in.” Half.

• markosverdhi

  Listen you are getting married and there are two separate things that I think are important to realize for this case, and they might be obvious:

  You will very shortly have merged finances for the rest of your lives

  You will forever have other people try to come in and tell you what should and shouldnt happen in your relationship

  I do kinda agree that it’s unnecessary for him to help you w rent. He’s renovating your home. Not his home, your home together. I dont care what the law says, the law also says he’s not on the lease at your apartment thats BS. In my eyes that house is just as much yours as it is his, and he should see it the same way. You are both on the same team with the same goals. If you have individual goals, the other’s goal becomes to help support your goal which again makes it no longer an individual goal.

  I’m so excited for you two, and going back to the 2nd thing I mentioned earlier: I am one of those people who are telling you how your marriage should or shouldnt be. Do whatever you want

• California_ponypal

  Too bad he told his mom and sister. Hopefully, he'll keep them out of his and your business in the future. Only thing that crosses my mind is you are going to enjoy the benefits of a free house from his family in the near future so maybe that's where there resentment is coming from - that you a

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